How I Overcame Addictive Eating Through 12-Step Recovery This essay was submitted by Amy, a member of Addictive Eaters Anonymous. The Food Addiction Institute does not endorse any particular Twelve Step fellowship, but it does endorse Twelve Step recovery as one path to recovery from Food Addiction. My name is Amy and I am a member of a recovery group/fellowship called Addictive Eaters Anonymous. I’d love to tell my story of how I could not stop eating addictively or abusing food in the hope that it will help you or someone you care about. I consider binge eating (and in my case to the point of obesity) to be as much a physical, mental ,and emotional illness as anorexia or bulimia. I believe that I was born with a predisposition toward overeating and abusing food in order to deal with my feelings of fear and inadequacy. I struggled with addictive eating throughout my childhood Eating huge amounts of food began as early as 8 years of age, when life overwhelmed me. I never felt ‘good enough’ and thought I was stupid. ‘Thick’ is the best word I can use to describe how unintelligent I felt. I thought everybody knew more than me and that nobody wanted me as their friend because I had nothing to give. So, I would hide and eat. As I reflect on those tender years, I feel so much compassion for that young girl that I could cry. I grew up in a family where I perceived the norm to be that “children should be seen and not heard.” Food was always abundant in our home as my parents equated it with love, and I never had to ask permission to eat. It was always within reach. Like most children, I loved junk food, but unlike others, I could never tolerate seeing food and not eating it. I often marveled at how other kids had leftovers, while I had to finish everything in sight. Despite never experiencing true hunger—as our family was well-off, and we never went without—I still felt as if there was never enough for me. The emotional and mental torment of food addiction was agonising When I ate to the point of bursting, I felt like a drunk who had had too much to drink; it numbed out my emotions of rage and made me feel better. But like any other drug, the effects would soon wear off and it would be a matter of days, hours, or minutes until I needed to overeat again. As a very young child, I was a normal size and the effects of food addiction didn’t show on my body. By about 15 years of age, my hourglass figure began to widen. I became increasingly aware of my size and began to feel guilt and shame especially when the boys at school followed me around shouting obscenities about my big backside. Yet none of it stopped my addictive eating — I could not stop. In fact, the more I was ridiculed, the more my friends, family, and the boys at school commented on my size, the more I turned to food for relief even though the food was no longer a great comfort; by that stage it had become a habit, an addiction, a craving beyond my control. I made countless failed attempts to control my eating As I became an independent working adult I still needed favorite binge foods but I also filled up on takeaway meals and anything stodgy just to take away the pain of life. I felt like a cow that needed to graze on food all day. Sometimes it was a huge binge but more often I ate very large meals followed by the grazing in between. But nothing was ever enough. Looking back, I can’t believe the quantities of food that I could eat either in one sitting or throughout the hours I was awake. The only time I seemed to stop eating was when I was asleep. Thank goodness I did sleep very well every night as eating so much food was like a sleeping pill that made me sleep. Over the years I joined popular slimming clubs and attended counselling sessions. I am an intelligent woman but I could not use my intellect to control my eating. A number of doctors had tried to ‘fat shame’ me before I finally met a general practitioner who suggested that food was like a drug to me. Addictive Eaters Anonymous helped me to accept that my addictive eating was an illness. By the grace of a Higher Power, I was able to surrender to the solution to my problem. I came to accept that I have an ‘abnormal reaction’ to food and that my body is just as abnormal as my mind. In AEA, members help each other to stop eating addictively and to avoid switching to other addictive substances or behaviors. How you can find help and begin your own recovery journey We attend face-to-face meetings locally wherever possible. There are meetings in the UK, Ireland, Denmark, the USA and New Zealand. Recently, more online meetings have started too. Anyone interested in recovering from binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, and other forms of addictive eating is welcome to attend an AEA meeting . We also invite family, friends, and healthcare professionals to come and listen to our stories of recovery. Our meetings are free to attend and all our members remain anonymous by using first names only. If a new person decides to work the AEA program of recovery based on the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, they may choose a sponsor to help them recover from their eating problem. A sponsor is someone who is sober from food and other substances and as part of their own recovery helps others get well. A sponsor works with the new person in between meetings sharing their experience of how they practise the 12 Steps as a way of life. We are not