By Rachel Shwalb
Treasurer

I’ve been in recovery most of my adult life. I’ve been sober since 1993 and I stopped eating sugar and flour in 2003. For a long time, I thought I had dealt with the big addictions. What I didn’t see was the smaller, quieter one that had been building right alongside them: artificial sweeteners.

At first, they didn’t feel like a problem. They felt practical. A workaround. A way to have something sweet without “going there.” Over time, though, I relied on them more than I realized. When life felt overwhelming, they took the edge off. Not in a dramatic way. Just enough to get through the day.

And the last few years have been a lot. I spent years caring for my mother as her health declined, then dealt with the emotional fallout of clearing out her life after she died. Not long after that, my husband was diagnosed with a rare cancer. During that time, my artificial sweetener use crept up. Diet soda started earlier in the day. I told myself I would deal with it when things calmed down.

That thought stopped me. I had said the exact same thing when I was drinking.

When I quit, I wasn’t prepared for how exposed I felt. Without the constant sweetness, everything felt sharper. My anxiety felt louder. My worries about work and my husband’s health were harder to push away. I was reminded a lot of early sobriety, when there was nothing between me and my feelings. I realized I had been using artificial sweeteners to avoid sitting with things I didn’t want to feel.

Now, eight weeks in, something has shifted. My cravings are quieter. My energy is steadier. Food tastes normal again. More than anything, I feel more present. Not magically better, but more here.

If any of this sounds familiar, you are not broken, and you are not alone. And if you’re wondering whether it’s possible to live without that crutch, I can tell you from experience that it is.